Why It’s OK to Let Go of Who You Thought You’d Be By Now
Sometimes in life, we don’t get what we want.
Rather, we don’t always get what we expect.
I remember thinking in High School that my life was all planned out in simple but exciting steps. I’d go to college, find the girl of my dreams, and ultimately settle down after conquering the world.
Some of those things happened. Some didn’t.
Maybe it’s just because I’ve seen some shit.
Maybe it’s because I’m a bit wiser.
I feel lost some days and exactly where I need to be others. I’ve gained confidence from pushing myself through the dark times. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. But my path changes as I change.
I get tired more easily.
I get bored more easily.
I don’t value the same things I once did. They used to be superficial: vanity, wealth, pleasure, accolades. Now, I value deeper qualities like humility, self-care, empathy, and mastery.
A few days ago, I was reminded of the time in my life when I burned out. 7 years ago, I went to my first AIA National Conference. (Aka the event of the year for Architects in the U.S.). Thanks for the reminders Facebook.
(A moment in time when I was anything other than happy.)
No one knew at the time—but I was suffering.
• I was the most overweight I had ever been in my life.
• I was watching my marriage dissolve in front of me.
• I was unsure of how my life had become such a mess.
I had a good job.
I had people who loved me.
And in the darkness, I realized something that changed everything for me—I had the opportunity to change my stars.
On my days off, sitting in cafes looking into the warm, sunny Orlando landscapes, I thought about my life for hours. I didn’t know how it happened, but I had taken the wrong path.
My life didn’t look like I was conquering much of anything. I was proud of myself in my career. But I was ashamed of myself in nearly every other way.
I needed a change.
I needed to fight.
Not for vanity or power or accolades. I needed to fight for me.
When your life feels like it’s falling apart in real-time, when you’ve found your rock bottom, you are presented with two options:
Fight
Stay
I chose to fight for the life I wanted.
In 7 years since I’ve turned my life around. It’s not perfect on paper. But I love it.
I let go of the preconceived notions that I have to be anything but exactly who I want to be. We only have one life to live. I plan to live it.
5 Lessons About Fighting for the Life You Deserve
Here are 5 key truths I’ve learned along the journey that may help you too.
Do it for you—No matter if it’s your job, your family, your friends, or your partner, do it for you first. In the end, you have to be satisfied with the choices you’re making. You may respect and love everyone else in your life, rooting you on. But if you don’t do it for yourself, you’ll second-guess and disrespect the choice later.
Be in the moment as much as you can — Our brains only have so much hard drive space. The years seem to move faster as we age because our brains have to decide what to remember. By staying in the moment and going out of your way to create experiences, you’re far more likely to recall the good times. It may seem like time is speeding up, but when you’re in the moment, that time feels really good.
The only constant is change, so embrace it — We have no control over time. It will continue to move us through our lives. “This too shall pass.” The good and the bad times will happen. Embrace the experience of life. Be prepared when you can. Learn from your mistakes and find the silver lining in as many places as you can.
You are the most important person in your life, treat yourself like it — For a long time I didn’t take care of myself. I neglected my health. I neglected my social connections. I neglected my relationships. All of those things came back to me. I needed to become a well-rounded, resilient person. It wasn’t until I made the decision to change. Now, I treat myself with respect, grace, and care. I’m hard on myself when I need to be. I’m easygoing when I need to be too.
Choose experiences over stuff — When you're gone, no one will care how much stuff you’ve got in your house or how much money you have in your bank account. Choose experiences that you can look back on fondly.
Final Thoughts
If I could go back in time and ask my younger self what they thought my life would look like today, there’s no way younger Mike could have predicted this path I’ve taken.
Stop worrying so much about exactly how your life will turn out, and worry more about how your life is right now. Do you enjoy it? What would you do differently if you could? Whatever your answer, start taking the first step right now to do that thing.
Life happens in mysterious ways. Sometimes, we need to surrender to it, accept where we’ve been already, and set a new path forward from where we are today.
It’s okay to let go of who you thought you’d be. Live your life from where it is, and keep walking forward.
Do it for you. I promise you, you won’t regret it.
That's all for now.
Stay creative, my friends—and have a great week!
