The Dark Truth About Self-Improvement
Self-improvement is supposed to be one of the best investments you can make in your life.
In many ways, it is!
→ You learn something to help you.
→ You put that into practice.
→ You improve your life.
But there’s a dark side to self-improvement.
A phenomenon intrinsically linked to how we feel.
As you learn more about what you “should” do, you start doing those things. You gain confidence as you see the positive change in your own life.
But when you miss a day, fall behind, or stumble a bit, it feels extra terrible somehow.
Self-improvement stops helping you.
It starts to do more harm than good.
It becomes the enemy.
How do we protect our progress, keep going, and give ourselves a break?
There’s a missing piece to the equation.
A vital component that balances everything out.
Self-acceptance.
My Recent Struggle with Self-Improvement
My workload ebbs and flows as an Architect.
In the summer, there are more projects in construction
In the winter, projects scramble to finish design so the cycle can start anew.
Recently, I was in full-on design mode.
I was putting in more hours than normal to get it done.
It started messing with my schedule.
I started leaving work later.
→ Which pushed out my gym time.
→ Which pushed out my free time in the evening.
It started to wear on me.
Some days I wanted to let go of my gym days altogether.
Some days I did.
But I’ve learned over time that’s okay.
I’m not perfect.
Neither is my schedule.
If I miss a day at the gym, it doesn’t mean that the hundreds of days that preceded it are invalid. I’ve done so much in the past few years that to think so would be ludicrous.
But I’m human.
Try as I may, sometimes those thoughts aren’t so kind.
This week was no exception.
I felt bad about missing a day here or there.
But as I felt those stresses, I reminded myself that the stress was temporary.
→ The deadline would pass.
→ Things would get better.
→ I would be okay.
Do my best.
For the 4-6 weeks leading up to my deadline, I gave myself a pass here and there.
I did my best to keep up, but I accepted that I was doing my best under special circumstances.
That’s the unsaid battle with self-improvement.
We need to learn, put that knowledge into action, AND accept who we are along the way.
3 Ways to Improve Your Self-Acceptance
Remind yourself of your progress - No matter what part of the journey you’re on, if you’re reading this, you’ve done so much already. Keep that in mind when the stress piles on. You’re doing the best you can.
Do something small instead of the full thing - One night I didn’t leave work until 8pm. I knew I wanted to go to the gym, but I still had things to get done at home. So instead of doing one of my full workout sessions (45 minutes to 1 hour), I cut it way down to 20 minutes total. I kept it small, but I also kept my progress moving forward. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up for yourself.
Try again tomorrow - Some days we simply don’t have the time or energy to do all the things we planned. In that case, try again tomorrow. But don’t just say you will, set yourself up for success. Carve out time in your schedule. Move things around to give yourself the best likelihood of success.
Final Thoughts
Progress, not perfection.
As long as you keep moving, you’re always getting better. Learning more. Finding your way. Building a life.
Balancing your life is an ever-changing equation of self-development and self-acceptance.
We learn more about the things we should do to improve our lives. But it’s the acceptance of who we are, who we’ve become, and who we’re becoming that sometimes matters more.
Don’t stress yourself out needlessly.
You’re doing great! Keep going.
TL; DR
Self-Improvement needs balance
Self-Acceptance is the other half of the equation.
Remind yourself of your progress
Do something small
Try again tomorrow
Quote of the Week
Motivation for the days ahead of you.
“Accepting yourself is about respecting yourself. It’s about honoring yourself right now, here today, in this moment. Not just who you could become somewhere down the line.”
— Kris Carr
That's all for now.
Stay creative, my friends—and have a great week!
