The epic tale of work/life balance is holding us back, but we can rewrite it
Hercules. Bigfoot. Thor. Pandora. Work/Life Balance.
While the greatest myths can evoke epic feats, harrowing intrigue, and cautionary tales, they’re not always what they seem. They can even lead us astray.
But just as we made them, we can rewrite them.
The Struggle is Real
Sure, I get it. It may be unfair to lump “work/life balance” (WLB) in with the likes of Bigfoot. But it’s one of the most misunderstood topics I see people struggle with.
For many years, I did too.
From High School through the 10 years after I graduated college (that’s almost 20 total for those counting), I was a slave to my work.
I was “that guy”—the one who always strove for better, always went above and beyond. I was an overachiever.
My obsession became magnified when I decided to become an Architect.
I was unleashed.
Left to let my creativity run wild.
Late nights.
Little sleep.
No sleep.
Coffee in my veins.
I kept pushing.
Until one day I couldn’t push anymore.
I see this kind of spiral everywhere in the creative professions.
Being a creative professional connects us directly to the work in ways that can become dangerous.
In creative professions, we often attach our value as people to the work. The connection is more likely to be stronger because the problems we solve require a mix of our experience, education, and passion.
This leads us down the path to search for the ever-elusive balance between our work and our lives.
It’s the lie we tell ourselves we’ll have control over one day.
The Myth of Work/Life Balance
A largely held belief is that work and life are polar opposites of each other.
If we can just keep the work monsters at bay, we’ll somehow find a perfect balance between the job we need to make money to live and all the fun things we get to do outside of work.
In this way, work and life are two ends of the same scale.
Imagine for a moment a binary scale, like the ones used to measure weight of one object against a second.
On one side, you place work.
On the other, you place life.
When one is too heavy, it weighs down the other.
For most creatives, work is the culprit that weighs heavier.
We tell ourselves that if we can just be better at work, everything will be in balance.
But, is that really the case?
If you were to keep your work under control, I bet it would help you focus on other things, but… what are those things?
How can you quantify your life so simply?
There’s a reason you can’t—life isn’t black and white.
Life is far more nuanced than that.
Search for Harmony, not Balance
No matter how you slice it, there are 24 hours in every day.
Every moment of time is scientifically equal to the next, but what we choose to spend our time on is not. We give those moments meaning.
Now, instead of imagining a scale, imagine a hanging mobile—like one over a baby’s crib or a constellation you’d make for a science class.
Go one step further.
Imagine that mobile has dangling from it a series of twelve buckets.
Some are large.
Some are small.
Psychology studies suggest the average person values the following categories of their life in a hierarchy that is unique to them:
Family
Work / Career
Faith
Hobbies
Finances
Legacy
Health
Personal Growth
Service
Play
Social Life
Love
Now, imagine that each of the hanging buckets is one of these categories.
The mobile as a whole represents your life.
It’s nuanced and you can fill your time and energy in each of the buckets.
The catch?
There’s only so much time and energy you can place in each.
We can’t change that.
When one of the buckets becomes too heavy, the one end of the mobile will sink.
To correct the imbalance, you can diversify where you spend time and energy in the other parts of your life.
In this way, work is no longer 50% of the equation. It’s a fraction of something bigger.
The focus becomes balance across the entire system, not a black and white split down the middle.
You want the buckets of your life to be in harmony with each other.
Re-writing the Work/Life Myth to Work for Your Life
Here are three re-writes to transform the work/life balance myth into a realistic journey
Re-write #1 — Accept you are not your work
The first step (and possibly the most difficult for driven creatives) is to admit that there is more to life than working. This literally took me years to finally accept.
Once I did, I could see the nuanced relationships between the pieces of my life. We’re taught to excel and push ourselves, but to what end? Success is what we make it.
Re-write #2 — Determine what areas of your life are priorities to you right now
Take a second look at the list of bucket items. I’d imagine that a couple jump right out from the page. They are important pieces of your life. You value you them more than the others. Don’t be ashamed of what they are. Lean into knowing that you value them.
For me, I look at the list and (in this season of my life) I know that health, personal growth, and play are towards the top. Faith, legacy, and service are towards the bottom, but that doesn’t mean I don’t value them. It means I value specific areas over others right now.
Re-write #3 — Focus on refining one area of your life at a time
When I was burned out, I realized that I needed to step back and get a hold of one thing in particular—my health. When I lost weight, improved my fitness, and educated myself on wellness in general, everything else in my life improved as well.
It may be cliché, but “health is wealth.”
For you, you could be starting at a good base with your health and the thing that you need to work on is Family—relationships and communication. Or maybe you need a bit more Play in your life to reconnect with your inner child.
By focusing on a single weak bucket, you get strengthen it faster. Then you can use that as leverage to help you refine the next and so on.
Look at the Bigger Picture
I love my work
I love being an Architect and I love writing about creative life.
For me, my work bucket will always be significant because I’m passionate about what I do.
When I burned out in 2017, I essentially disregarded all of the other buckets.
That’s why we feel such a strong connection to work vs life.
We blame it for the disconnect we sometimes feel in our “life.”
But really, work is simply one part of a bigger picture.
If you want to make a change in your relationship with work, you need to change how you approach everything.
It’s your story.
Write it how you want to—not the way you were told it should be.
Until next week, here are links to what I’ve been working on and treasures I’ve found out in the creative wilderness.
Enjoy!
Recent Finds
As Youtuber Ali Abdaal’s empire continues to grow, he sees a lot of resumes for potential hires. Here’s an in-depth look at his findings from over 2,000 resumes that may help you stand out in your own creative job search. (YouTube)
A simple, but effective way to consider how good habits lead to more good habits by Matt D’Avella and Slow Growth. (Instagram)
A magical insight from author Jeff Goins as a recent guest on The Minimalists podcast about the importance of pushing ourselves towards action over daydreaming our creative pursuits. (Reels)
Quote of the Week
“It shouldn’t take a pandemic to convince people to put their mental health above their careers.
In the long run, the choice between success and well-being is a false dichotomy.
The best way to achieve your goals is to lead a life that invigorates you—not one that drains you.”
— Adam Grant
That's all for now.
Stay creative, my friends—and have a great week!
