How to Reduce the Friction Between You and the Person You Want to Be
Habits are hard enough to build without us getting in the way.
For years, I thought that if I just tried harder everything would work out.
I’d get the mind I wanted.
I’d get the body I wanted.
I’d get the relationships I wanted.
I’d get the life I wanted.
And while all of those things do take hard work and effort to get, I was pushing in the wrong directions.
Then I burned out.
There was too much friction there.
Lost in Overthinking
After I hit burnout, I realized that something was off.
I needed a system or a path that was clearly different from the one I had been on. Otherwise, I would continue to find myself right back at burnout’s door.
So, I started removing everything in my day-to-day that was stressing me out, creating that burnout-like tension in my life.
Then I realized, “Wait…. now what?!”
I had no idea what to do next.
I started overthinking everything.
“What if I make a wrong choice?”
“What if I just end up burning out again?”
“What if… What if… What if…”
Finding Calm to Reduce the Friction
To calm my mind, I realized I needed help.
I started reading more on mental health, wellness, and burnout. And to my surprise, I found that I wasn’t alone in trying to make better choices.
That’s when I found the work of James Clear.
He was writing about habits, the science behind them, and how they impacted our lives. His words changed the way I think about what I do every day.
I was no longer trying to walk through my day haphazardly, hoping it would all click. I was more observant of how I was doing things, what I was doing, and what it would would take to change.
The best part of this breakthrough was realizing that habits are simple. They’re not easy. But they’re simple.
And making them easier is what would ultimately reduce that friction that had lead me to burnout in the first place.
Unkink the Hose
Recently I was reminded of James’ teachings when I found a clip from an interview he did with ultra-marathon runner and podcaster Rich Roll. In it, he describes habits using the analogy of a hose with a kink in the middle. When we want more water to flow, there are two options:
Increase the volume of water to force it through
Remove the kink and let water flow freely
The former will create tension though. It will make the process more difficult.
The latter will reduce the friction. It will make the process easier.
When we live in such a hustle-based culture, it can be difficult to remember how to keep things simple.
While as cliché as it may sound, we need to “work smarter, not harder” to build up the habits that keep burnout at bay and create the life we want.
How to Build Habits Up Easier in 3 Simple Steps
Step #1 — Understand what it takes to build the habit you’re working on
The only way this works is if you take a minute to understand all of the pieces that make your habit what it is.
Think of it like a story. There’s an inciting incident, then a middle act, and a conclusion.
What is the thing that gets the habit going?
What does it take to maintain once you’re in it?
How can you set yourself up for the next round as soon as you finish?
Step #2 — Do the simple thing to reduce friction
For me, there are two types of habits. There are the habits that we’re trying to remove from our lives and the ones we’re trying to adopt into them.
If you’re trying to get rid of a bad habit, your first move is simply to remove that triggering element from your life.
In my case, it was soda. I was addicted to the stuff. And I knew that by removing it from my grocery list and having alternative drinks (like water or unsweetened iced tea) when I went out would do the trick. Over five years later, I haven’t touched a drop. Out of sight, out of mind.
If you’re trying to incorporate a good habit, your first move is to make it visible. Give yourself a visual queue that will trigger a reminder.
For many, going to the gym is the hardest habit to build. Going to the gym can be like pulling teeth. We all know it’s important to exercise, but it’s such a drag to get up and go when we’re already home. “I have to get my sneakers. I’m not even dressed to go the gym. Woe is me.” In this case, pack your gym bag the night before and place it right next to the door. You still have to be the one to pick it up and go, but now there’s less
Step #3 — Repeat
The last step is to simply keep showing up.
Habits can take weeks and months to get them to stick. Habits are the tool to building a successful life over the long term. While you may see immediate benefits from the habits, remember that you’re doing them to become someone else.
You won’t be perfect. You’ll stumble and fall. But if you keep coming back to the habit you’re working on, it will become a part of you and will help you grow.
Make it visible or invisible and reduce the friction between you and the habit you’re taming. Unkink the hose.
Recent Finds
Ali Abdaal — 5 Hacks for Better Sleep (Short) | Short, sweet, and to the point. Sleep is the foundation of everything. I’m not great at getting good sleep, but I’m trying to do better. These tips from Ali are certainly an amazing place to start.
James Clear — How to build better habits by reducing friction (Short) | James Clear does it again. This is one of the best analogies for habit building I’ve ever heard and the inspiration for this week’s newsletter. It’s not about brute force. It’s about improving your relationship with the habit you’re trying to achieve.
Rich Roll — How to Get Sober (Short) | A powerful sentiment from Rich Roll on his sobriety. The way Rich talks about alcohol is how I’ve often felt about my relationship with burnout. When you realize you have a fundamental problem hurting you and those around you, fixing that one thing is the only thing that matters. You don’t need to do everything at once. You just need to buckle down and work on the thing that is hurting you most. Over time, everything else will work out.
Bonus; Nick Grimshaw — Such a Good Spy! (Reel) | This is one of those stories that when you hear it, it sticks with you forever. If you’ve ever watched a James Bond movie in your life, you absolutely need to watch this. Mind. Blown.
Quote of the Week
“Life’s too short to dread Monday on Sunday.”
— Leah Samara
That's all for now.
Stay creative, my friends—and have a great week!
