How to become confident in areas where you feel like an imposter
Would you consider yourself a confident person?
Confidence is funny.
We can be confident in so many areas of our lives and feel like a fraud in so many others.
I’ve largely been a confident person when it comes to academics, professional development, and my craft as an Architect.
But I’ve equally been a scaredy-cat imposter for most of my life when it comes to my fitness, nutrition, and well-being.
For a long time, I neglected my health.
I grew up in a comfortable house, living a comfortable life.
There were some hard times to be sure. But relatively speaking, my childhood was largely easy going and care free.
It wasn’t really until High School that I started to notice who was in the driver’s seat of my life—me.
I was a nerdy and overweight kid in my early teens. A perfect storm for a direct ticket to the no man’s land of average.
I wasn’t picked on, but I wasn’t a cool kid either.
I just existed.
I enjoyed pizza and candy (what kid doesn’t!?) more than I care to admit. I knew that eating healthily and exercising was important, but I ignored it.
“I’ll figure it out later,” I told myself.
One day, my perspective shifted.
I saw a single-page, highlighter-yellow flyer on my way to class that changed my life.
It was for tryouts on the Junior Varsity Soccer team.
In that moment I knew what was missing and why I hadn’t taken control of my health sooner—
I needed a direction.
I needed a purpose.
I needed a mission.
I had been painfully aware of my weight, but had no reason other than “don’t feel bad” to do anything about it.
When I realized that I could meet new friends, get healthier, learn a skill, and inch my way a bit closer to “popular,” I jumped at the chance.
I went to an initial meet-and-greet with the coaches and prospective team. It was scary. “The other kids were clearly judging me as I walked in,” I told myself.
The coaches gave us a basic workout plan and told us that as long as we followed through with it over the Summer, we’d be in good shape for the tryouts.
Mission accepted.
I recognized where I was, identified the steps to get better, and focused on improving that one thing.
By tryouts, I was a different person.
I wasn’t the fastest.
I wasn’t the most skilled.
I wasn’t even close.
And it didn’t matter.
What mattered was that I had bridged the gap between “no” skill and “enough” skill.
What did I learn about confidence that Summer?
We can cultivate confidence in anything we want, but we need structure to build it.
It’s something that I’ve been reminded of several times since.
When I started creating content on the Internet
When I burned out in 2017
When I gave my first public talk
When I began writing a book
When I started triathlon training earlier this year
How to become more confident in 3 steps
Acknowledge the pain — Write down three to five things that scare the living hell out of you. What is that one thing that you wish you could do better? What are you “bad” at that, were you to improve, you’d be more fulfilled as an individual?
Pick the pain — Take the one that hurts the most when you think of it. Do you think you’re too shy in public settings? Do you have issues with money? Do you believe that you’re not worthy of promotion at work because you don’t have the right skill?
Kick the pain in the ass — For 15 minutes a day for 30 days, work on bridging the gap between the thing that makes you feel like an imposter and where you are now. Then at the end of each day, write down your answer to one simple question—”How am I doing now?”
If you want to improve a skill, set your clock and practice.
If you want to be the life of the office, talk to coworkers you avoid and learn more about them.
If you want to improve your balance with work, take a walk at lunch to disconnect.
At the end of 30 days, you’ll likely be well on your way to establishing long-lasting confidence in an area that once gave you anxiety, pain, and fear.
Here’s to the new creative, confident you.
Cheers.
TL; DR
We can be confident in one thing, not in another
Confidence can be cultivated
Find what you fear
Work a little bit each day in the face of that fear
Bridge the gap between fear and success
Recent Finds
💡 Ideas from the creative wilderness to help you build a better life.
Skill
Vinh Giang — How to dramatically improve your communication skills in 4 steps (Reel) | One of the things I’ve worked on for the past few years is how I communicate with others. It’s for sure a work in progress. This short video is possibly the best exercise I’ve ever seen to improve individual communication skills. Remove the likes, uhs, and ya knows. “I don’t say that.” “I don’t look like that.” It turns out you might. Watch this and try it.
Mindset
Mel Robbins — It’s not going to happen overnight (Instagram) | I love this sentiment from Mel Robbins. Our experience in life compounds over time. If we fail, we don’t start from zero. We start from wherever we are—including all of the experience that got us to that point. If we need to start over, we can. And those things we’re reaching for may take several tries, but it will get easier because of where we’ve already been.
Advice
Matt Barker — 29 pieces of advice for newbies to get started on LinkedIn (LinkedIn) | For the past two months, I’ve been writing on LinkedIn every day. I’ve met some great people and found some amazing creators. One of these creators is Matt Barker. This post in particular is helpful and straightforward advice if you’re diving in to the world of LinkedIn. It’s no longer just a site for job hunting. It’s a place where insightful ideas can turn into meaningful connection and expression.
A Quote I'm Pondering
💬 Motivation for the days ahead of you.
“Your entire life happens inside your body. It’s the one home you will always occupy and can never sell. But you can renovate it.
If you can only pick one habit to build, exercise might be the one. Everything is downstream from how your body is functioning.”
— James Clear
That's all for now.
Stay creative, my friends—and have a great week!
