Why is Self-Development So Hard?
I believe people instinctively want something better for their lives. How we measure “better” though is up to each of us.
Maybe better is improving your health. Maybe better is increasing your bank account. Maybe better is igniting your passion for your job. Maybe it’s a better job altogether.
But why is it so difficult to obtain those things?
Well, better comes with a cost—change. And change is hard.
From Burnout to Recovery
It wasn’t until I had pushed myself deep into burnout that I was first introduced to self-development as the way to permanently better my life. For years prior, I thought I had it all figured out: get a job, make great things, build a name for myself, prove my worth. The one thing I wasn’t taking care of—me.
I was spinning plates, juggling flaming torches, and balancing it all on a foundation of quicksand. It was too much to handle and eventually, everything came crashing down. I was overwhelmed and stressed out. I faced health problems, relationship issues, and the realization that my future was not what I wanted. I knew I had to make a change.
The change though was something that came from within.
When I took an inventory of my life, I realized that I was trying to push all of my energy into one area—my work. I had let the other parts of Mike LaValley atrophy to a point where I barely recognized myself in the mirror. I had good reasons to push myself, but I had a terrible method for how to do so.
Accepting the rules of the race
It was in that moment that I realized my life was a marathon, not a sprint.
Like one of those epic training montages you see in the movies (for clarity, let’s say you’re running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art Museum like my man Rocky Balboa), I let go of the old me and forged new habits and consistent practices. I pushed myself away from burnout and towards my better.
It was one of the most difficult and humbling experiences I’ve ever endured. I accepted my failures and greeted them with open arms. And through the acceptance, I found a kind of harmony between the pieces of my life—health, love, work, family, friends, hobbies.
The change was hard. But the alternative would have been far worse. Some days I miss the old me. Then I remember...
Self-development means letting go of a part of who you are in service of someone better—the future version of you.
A little bit each day
Is the process perfect? No. Some days I still fall down. But I get back up because I know that waiting for me at the top of the steps is confidence to reach my arms to the sky.
Self-development means working a little bit each day to improve your life through the pursuit of things that challenge you and help you evolve as a human being. It’s hard because the growth happens through the challenge, through the change.
Self-development is my better.
What does your better look like? Is there a small step you can take this week? Tomorrow? Right now? One to make your better real?
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